three am, lights out. toss and turn, think and think. four am, mom wakes up; she makes coffee and washes her hair. worried thought, panic override. hyperventilation, helplessness. five am, exhaustion. sleep.

today i feel like i felt every day in high school. running on empty and coffee. during those four years of my life, i could get up and go off of one and a half hours of sleep and three coffees before lunch period. and i could usually make it through the day without sleeping on my desk, or going home crazy.
today i feel like a zombie and i have to work in just over an hour and i don't think i can do this today. i'm going to suck it up purely for the sensation of walking out of the mall at night when it's dark and october-cold and i wish i was wearing something heavier.
autumn autumn autumn.

god, i need sleep.